Adoption Anxiety: How to Cope

Building your family through adoption isn’t easy. The whole living in the unknown is kind of miserable. The whole living in the no control over anything is also a bit tricky. A few weeks ago, we had a weekend trip planned. A day before we leave, we were notified about a possible adoption situation. The expectant woman was due a day before she decided to make an adoption plan. So basically, we said yes please look at our profile along with all the other families in the pool. We proceeded to rework every imaginable possibility of our impending weekend away plans and the reality of having a newborn in the matter of any minute.  The long and short of it is that we were not chosen. (More on what that’s like here)

The thing that people outside of the adoption community seem to not understand is how hard it is to have your life go from dreams come true to square one instantly and often. I always feel like to make an out-of-town plan, it requires me to choose between that and my next child. I always choose my next child. I am so ready for a vacation. And my second child 😉

So what do you do? In 2014, we ran full and half marathons, 5k’s, anything, and everywhere.  We ran for hours.  Running gave me something I could control. I could run a mile. I could run 20. Somehow, I could do it and I would. It wasn’t pretty or fast, but it was a goal I could control. At this point in life, spending 4 hours running and the rest day recovering doesn’t seem practical with a toddler for us.

Ab challenge anyone? Check it out. I didn’t come up with it. I have the privilege of working out with some pretty tough ladies and we are all doing it this month along with Chris and of course Knox 🙂

 Just 10-15 minutes each day!
March 1, 6, 9: 50 crunches, 25 reverse crunch. Plank to failure (2 times through)
March 2, 7, 11: 40 bicycles, 40 scissors with head and shoulders off the ground. Side plank to fail on both sides (2 times through)
March 3, 5, 10: 20 V-sits, 20 double crunch-to-extend (elbows the outside of the knees (repeat 3 times)
March 4, 8, 12: Rest.
Let me know if you are going to join in! What are some ways that you cope with the unknown and deal with anxiety?

National Adoption Month and Being Thankful

November is National Adoption Month. This year, the theme is foster care adoption and older child adoption. I do not have any personal experience with foster care adoption or older child adoption. That is probably why I didn’t feel really connected to adoption awareness month this year. I was also extra busy with the life thing right now. I did, however, think a lot about what adoption has meant to me this past year, and how far I have come with adoption in its complex glory. I decided to write about all of the ways I am thankful that my life has been touched by adoption.

  1. The ‘Wait’: It’s not a secret that we are hoping to grow our family again through adoption. Part of the reason this blog has been neglected is because my time has been spent figuring out ways to get the word out that we are ready for our second child. I have stretched myself, gotten so far out of my comfort zone, and challenged everything I thought I had learned during years of infertility and our adoption journey the first time.

    I had thought that I had finally figured it out. Adoption was the answer to building our family so I had thought that growing our family would be easier the second time. I had felt kind of guilty about it too. I fought so hard to become Knox’s mother. I pushed myself, the people around me, and I challenged everything that I thought was true. I wanted to be 100% that I had done everything in my power to create a life he would be proud of.

    With #2, I felt like I was following the motions in the beginning. Call the agency, update the home study, the physicals, the fingerprints, make the book, write the letter, and get the online profile active. Then, after all the work, get the baby.  Guess what? It hasn’t happened, not just for us, but no one in the pool of families ready to adopt have been chosen.

    I never wanted to create this blog and this site. I am very private. I have a super hard time talking about things that make me feel vulnerable. The ‘wait’ is what has forced me out of my comfort zone. I have a unique and special story that needs to be shared. I didn’t realize it until the ‘wait’. My second child is giving me courage. Our second child has already taught me so much about my strength as a mother.

    By having to wait, I have found how immensely strong I can be. I have found my voice. My journey to Knox taught me about faith and perseverance, among countless other things. My journey to our number 2 is teaching me to find my voice and to realize my responsibility to my community. In the ways that I previously felt guilty, I now feel empowered. Like each pregnancy is special, each adoption journey is special. I love a child growing in my heart and I am doing everything I can to be the best possible mother I can be for them.

  2. I am thankful for this site. I understand that I have a lot to learn and I am capable of doing hard things. It is a skill that I value about myself. It’s because of that skill and being very stubborn that I figured out the personal work I needed to do to create this space. 3 years ago, I couldn’t talk about infertility. I got blotchy talking about adoption. Now, I’m writing about my feelings about adoption to 4 million people on I feel valuable in my journey to motherhood.
  3. I am thankful for all of the families waiting to adopt on this site. I was very nervous to reach out and ask if you wanted to be included. I really felt vulnerable expressing all of my dreams to change the world of adoption to you. Thank you for agreeing to be included. Thank you to everyone who answered my emails. Thank you so much more to everyone who wrote a post to contribute to this site and our community.

I know this is hard. The holiday season is not going to be easy if your waiting. I am challenging you to acknowledge how different and amazing you are because adoption is hard. What are you thankful for this holiday season?


13.1 Miles and a Thunderstorm

Last week, I shared about how Chris and I run to pass the time when we are in the pool waiting to build our family.  On Saturday, we ran our 5th 1/2 marathon together!

It was a very long 13.1 miles for me. It also thunderstormed: The type of thunderstorm with thunder that vibrates the ground and lightning. When the sky opened up, we were in a very tree lined area of the run. Where is the best place to be in a thunderstorm? Under a tree? No! Ironically, the very first 1/2 marathon we ran in 2013 we were lucky enough to run 12 of the 13.1 in a thunderstorm which also had hail.   Rain soaked and all with one step at a time, we made it to the finish line. (The one step at a time deal was me. Chris had a great race. I was grinding my teeth the entire way which I didn’t think was possible.)

A runner must run with dreams in his heart.

Emil Zatopek